HEADLINE FROM THE FUTURE

Michael’s Rant has the ability to look into the future. Utilizing experimental alien technology stolen legally acquired from the military, I can take a youtube clip and look into the future.

The FUTURE, Michael…?

Yes… but not all the way to the Year 3000 unfortunately.

During Meet The Press on Sunday, Senate candidate Ken Buck from Colorado compared homosexuality to alcoholism.

Don’t believe me? Watch this clip:

Now, I will utilize this technology to look into the future…

(DISCLAIMER: NOT an actual event but more of a look into possible events. This should NOT be taken seriously due to the unpredictability of the future.)

DENVER POST

ROCKIES 10 PIRATES 3, BATS COME ALIVE IN 8-RUN 8TH INNING

(I didn’t need my technology to predict that…)

(Trying again…)

SENATOR KEN BUCK ARRESTED FOR DUI

SEEN LEAVING THE WRANGLER WITH A MALE COMPANION

April 30, 2011: Senator Ken Buck (R-CO) was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence at 1:24 AM early Saturday morning. The Senator from Colorado was pulled over heading southbound on Interstate 25 at the University Drive exit near the University of Denver. Senator Buck was released from the Denver County Jail early this morning after posting bail.

Police officers noted that the Senator’s automobile was drifting in and out of the left lane of the highway and subsequently pulled him over.

“When we pulled Mr. Buck over, he stated that his passenger and him were trying to get home from a restaurant near the capitol building and did not realize how late it was. He stated that he was tired,” says a deputy with the Denver County Sheriff’s Department.

Deputies conducted a field sobriety and breathalyzer tests. Senator Buck registered a 0.12 BAC, well above the legal limit of 0.08.

“Upon finding Mr. Buck was above the legal limit, we detained him for suspicion of operating a motor vehicle while under the influence of alcohol. It is amazing that he was able to operate a motor vehicle in his state of intoxication and we were able to intervene before someone got hurt,” says the deputy.

Senator Buck’s passenger was identified as a man from The Wrangler, a popular gay bar near the capitol building.

“I recall seeing Mr. Buck,” recalls the bartender at the establishment, “He was chatting up with the man at the bar. From the looks of it, they had pre-arranged the meeting. They seemed VERY interested in each other.”

Another bartender says that he saw Senator Buck whisper over to his male companion before leaving the bar at approximately 1 AM and saw him being escorted with the companion hand-in-hand.

“Even though it was a busy night I know what it means when I see a couple leaving the way they did.”

Ken Buck was elected to the U.S. Senate by one of the narrowest of margins during the 2010 congressional elections. The statements from the bartenders and other patrons are contradictory from a statement he made during a debate on Meet the Press in October 2010 comparing homosexuality to alcoholism.

The Senator’s behavior has already drawn both support and criticism, mainly along partisan lines.

“This is simply a misunderstanding. The patrons at the bar that Senator Buck did not attend are an attempt to smear an honorable family man. In no way should this incident keep him from doing the work that is important to citizens in the great state of Colorado,” says a person representing the Colorado Republican Party chairperson.

“Senator Buck’s DUI arrest has embarrassed the state of Colorado. He must resign,” says the chairperson of the Colorado Democratic Party.

Senator Buck’s office in Denver has released this statement:

Senator Buck recognizes and regrets that he made a poor choice to get behind the wheel of a motor vehicle after consuming a few alcoholic beverages. The senator accepts full responsibility and consequences for his actions. He looks forward to getting back to work for the people of the great state of Colorado in Washington, DC.

At this time, Senator Buck’s office has not confirmed nor scheduled a press conference to answer questions regarding the incident. His office confirms that he is scheduled to return to Washington, DC on Monday.

He is expected to be at the Denver County Courthouse on May 17 for his DUI case.

(AGAIN, DISCLAIMER: NOT an actual event but more of a look into possible events. This should NOT be taken seriously due to the unpredictability of the future.)

Returning to the present…

The point I am making with this FICTIONAL and SATIRICAL account is I would not be surprised if this guy was caught with a male companion a la Ted Haggard, Larry Craig, or now my personal favorite: George Allan Rekers.

It is very interesting about the actions of those who express the most homophobic language.

There was even the e-mail that North Carolina State Rep. Larry Brown sent using LGBT slurs. In return, activists sent Fruit Loops to his office. On Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update “anchorman” Seth Myers said: “and now let’s begin the countdown to when Larry Brown is caught with a male prostitute.”

So…

Who wants to do a two-politician teaser of Buck and Brown each caught in a gay sex scandal in the next year? Any takers on those odds?