The Rachel Maddow Show shows a montage of The Simpsons taking on Fox News.
"An election!? That's one of those deals where they close
the bars, isn't it?"
-Barney Gumble about to watch Mr. Burns'
election ad at Moe's in "Two Cars In Every Garage, Three Eyes On Every
Fish"
"Only a moron
wouldn't cast his vote for Monty Burns!"
-Jingle for Mr. Burns' campaign in "Two
Cars In Every Garage, Three Eyes On Every Fish"
Homer: I hope Burns and
I can count on your support, honey.
Marge: Homer, I'm a
Bailey Booster.
Homer: Oh, yeah? Well, I'M a Burns Booster. (pins on a Burns
campaign button) Ow!
-After watching Burns' campaign advertisement in
"Two Cars in Every Garage, Three Eyes on Every Fish"
Advisor:
Congratulations, Mr. Burns, the latest polls show you are up six points.
Burns: Ah, giving me a total of...
Advisor: Six.
-Burns talking to his political team in
"Two Cars in Every Garage, Three Eyes on Every Fish"
"My worthy opponent
thinks that the voters of this state are gullible fools. I, however, prefer to
rely on their intelligence and good judgment."
-Gov. Mary Bailey responding to Mr. Burns' ad in
"Two Cars in Every Garage, Three Eyes on Every Fish"
Burns: Have you, uh,
found any dirt on Mary Bailey?
Advisor 2: Well, we've
gone through her garbage
Advisor 3: We've talked
to her maid.
Advisor 2: And so far,
the only negative thing we've found is from some guy who dated her when she was
sixteen.
Burns: Ah. And?
Advisor 3: He, uh, he
felt her up.
Burns: Bah! Not good
enough!
-Burns talking with his advisors in "Two
Cars In Every Garage, Three Eyes On Every Fish"
"Ironic, isn't it
Smithers. This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election,
and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's
democracy for you!"
-Mr. Burns walking away after he's lost the
Springfield Gubernatorial Election in "Two Cars In Every Garage, Three
Eyes On Every Fish"
"I can't believe
it. The system actually works."
-Lisa Simpson after learning that a crooked
Senator is arrested, tried, and jailed all in the same day in "Mr. Lisa
Goes To Washington"
Kent Brockman (On TV):
And on a scary note, the Presidential Primaries are just a few months away.
(chuckles)
Homer: Hey, if you don't
like it, go to Russia.
-"Treehouse Of Horror II"
Bart: "Hey four eyes, Vote Quimby! Hey lame-o, Vote Quimby!"
Lisa: "This time
he's the lesser of two evils."
Bart and Lisa trying to get incumbent Mayor Joe
Quimby (D) re-elected in "Sideshow Bob Roberts"
"The League of
Uninformed Voters presents the Springfield Mayoral Debates. I'm your moderator,
Larry King. Now, a word to our audience: even though we're being broadcast on
Fox, there's no need for obnoxious hooting and hollering."
-Larry King addressing the crowd before the
Springfield Mayor Debate and crowd responds with obnoxious hooting and
hollering in "Sideshow Bob Roberts"
Homer: "Hmmm.... I
don't approve of his Bart Killing Plan, but I do approve of his Selma Killing
Plan." (votes for Sideshow Bob)
Krusty: "Well, he
did frame me for armed robbery, but man am I aching for that upper class tax
cut." (votes for Sideshow Bob)
Voters justifying their
votes for Mayoral Candidate "Sideshow" Bob Terwiliger (R) in
"Sideshow Bob Roberts"
"I don't think Bob
won that election legally. I mean how does one convicted felon get so many
votes while another convicted felon get so few?"
-Lisa Simpson questioning the results of the
Mayoral Election in "Sideshow Bob Roberts"
"I've never gone
behind Mr. Burns's back before, but Bob's ultraconservative views conflicted
with my... choice of lifestyle."
-Mr. Smithers explaining why he is helping Bart
and Lisa discover the truth behind Sideshow Bob's victory in "Sideshow Bob
Roberts"
"Oh, no! The dead
have risen! And they're voting Republican!"
-Bart Simpson after discovering Sideshow Bob
voter Edgar Neubauer is dead in "Sideshow Bob Roberts"
“Because
you need me, Springfield. Your guilty conscience may move you to vote
Democratic, but deep down you long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower
taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king. That's why I did this, to
save you from yourselves. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a city to run.”
-
Sideshow
Bob, explaining why he rigged the mayors race
"I've said it once
and I'll say it again: Democracy doesn't work."
-Kent Brockman after the US Congress defeats a
bill to evacuate Springfield from destruction by a comet after adding another
bill to support the perverted arts in "Bart's Comet"
"When will people
learn: Democracy doesn't work!"
-Homer Simpson after Propostion 24 passes by
overwhellming support in "Much Apu About Nothing"
“Oh, no. Aliens, bio-duplication, nude conspiracies. Oh, my God, Lyndon
LaRouche was right!”
-Homer
Simpson witnessing the kidnapping of President Clinton and Senator Dole in "Treehouse
of Horror VII- Citizen Kang"
"I am Clin-Ton. As
Overlord all will kneel trembling before me and obey my brutal commands. End
Communication."
-Kodos disguised as President Clinton in
"Treehouse of Horror VII- Citizen Kang"
Kent Brockman (on TV):
Senator Dole, why should people vote for you instead of President Clinton?
Kang (on TV): It makes
no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way, your planet is doomed!
DOOMED!
Kent Brockman (on TV):
Well, a refreshingly frank response there from Senator Bob Dole!
Homer: These candidates
make me want to vomit in terror!
Kent Brockman interviews Kang in Bob Dole
disguise on TV in "Treehouse of Horror VII- Citizen Kang"
American Politics in 18 seconds…
"My fellow
Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say, we
must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling,
twirling, twirling towards freedom!"
-Kodos disguised as President Clinton giving a
debate speech in "Treehouse Of Horror VII- Citizen Kang"
Clinton: You know,
Senator, being in suspended animation gave me time to think. Partisan politics
are tearing our country apart.
Dole: You got a point
there, Bill. If you and I are gonna whup these one-eyed space fellas, we're
gonna have to set aside our differences.
Clinton: Together, we
can lead America into a new Golden Age!
Dole: Friend, you got a
deal.
-conversation between President Bill Clinton and
Senator Bob Dole before Homer accidentally jettisons them into space in
"Treehouse of Horror VII- Citizen Kang"
Kang: The politics of
failure have failed. We need to make them work again! Tomorrow, when you are
sealed in the voting cubicle, vote for me, Senator Ka-- I mean, Bob Dole!
(receives applause)
Kodos: I am looking
forward to an orderly election tomorrow, which will eliminate the need for a
violent bloodbath. (also receives applause)
-Kang and Kodos disguised
as Bob Dole and Bill Clinton giving their pre-election speeches in
"Treehouse of Horror VII- Citizen Kang"
Kodos: "It's true,
we are aliens! But what are you going to do about it? It's a two-party system -
you have to vote for one of us!"
Crowd: (murmurs)
"He's right, this is a two-party system."
Man In Crowd:
"Well, I believe I'll vote for a third-party candidate."
Kang: "Go ahead,
throw your vote away." (Kang and Kodos laugh maniacally)
"Treehouse of
Horror VII- Citizen Kang"
Grampa: Oh,
hot-diggity! That's how they got me to
vote for Lyndon LaRouche!
-Mr. Burns encouraging his recycling employees,
the residents of the Retirement Castle, to work harder "The Old Man and
the Lisa"
Moe: How many people
want to abolish democracy forever? Show of hands?
Carl: I could go for
some kind of military thing, like Juan Peron. When he disappeared you, you
stayed disappeared.
Lenny: Plus his wife was
Madonna.
-Electorate in Springfield discussing
alternatives to democracy in "E Pluribus Wiggum"
Lisa: Ralph can't be
President! He's the dumbest person in the slowest reading group!
Homer: Lisa, being
President is easy! You just point the Army and shoot!
Lisa: And Ralph is only
eight years old! It says in the Constitution, you have to be 35!
Bart: The Constitution?
I'm pretty sure the PATRIOT Act killed it to ensure our freedoms.
Homer (mockingly): Ooh,
the PATRIOT Act is so terrible! The government might find out what library
books I take out! What's next, finding out what operas I go to? (high-fives
Bart)
-Ralph Wiggum is announced as the winner of the
Springfield Primary Election in "E Pluribus Wiggum"
Chief Wiggum: Go ahead,
Ralphie, you've invited to two parties: one with a donkey, and one with an
elephant. Who do you like?
Ralph: Elmo?
Kent Brockman: Ah, Admiral Elmo Zumwalt, President Nixon's Chief
of Naval Operations.
So, Ralph's a Republican!
Lou: The father of the
nuclear navy? As if!
Chief Wiggum: Only one
place to settle this! To the offices of the World Book Encyclopedia! (Lou and
Chief Wiggum enter a squad car and drive off)
-Ralph Wiggum is announced the winner of the
Springfield Primary Election and trying to determine what party he should run
for in "E Pluribus Wiggum" (this made me laugh and shudder all at the
same time)
"This doesn't
happen in America. Maybe Ohio, but NOT in America!"
-Homer Simpson as he tries to vote for Obama
but the machine is rigged to vote for McCain in "Treehouse of Horror XIX"
And updated for the 2012
Election…
“I like how the network
is a daring liberal antidote to the right wing news channel that it gave birth
to.”
-
Lisa
Simpson describing her favorite thing about Fox during the network airing
their 25th Anniversary Special
Taxes in the US, as
explained by The Simpsons:
"Don't blame me. I
voted for Kodos."
-Homer in "Treehouse of Horror VII- Citizen
Kang" (if the election doesn't go your way, use this quote. It inspired
the name of a band "I Voted For Kodos")
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