BP: YOU SUCK AT LIFE

APPROPRIATE ALTERNATE TITLES

BP: YOU STILL SUCK
BP: EPIC FAIL
BP: BEST POLLUTER
BP: @#$**&@#&^?!!!
BP: BASTARD PIGS

We are approaching the 3 month anniversary of the Deepwater Horizon Explosion, Sinking, and subsequent Oil Spill. I am certain that my loyal readers are wondering, “Michael, how come I have not seen more rants about this. This would be perfect for you.”

Here is what the postings would look like:

Day 65: Oil leaking in the Gulf. BP (at 11:15 of the clip): “What Jon Stewart says!”

Day 66: Oil leaking in the Gulf. BP (at 11:15 of the clip): “What Jon Stewart says!”

Day 67: Oil leaking in the Gulf. More dead marine life washing up on shore. BP (at 11:15 of the clip): “What Jon Stewart says!”

Day 68: Oil leaking in the Gulf. Another well know Republican apologizes to BP. BP and the Republican Party (at 11:15 of the clip): “What Jon Stewart says!”

Day 69: Oil leaking in the Gulf. Tar balls wash up on shore hundreds of miles away from the spill. BP (at 11:15 of the clip): “What Jon Stewart says!”

Day 70: Oil leaking in the Gulf. Clean up workers not being offered protective equipment. Being told if they complain, they’ll be fired. BP (at 11:15 of the clip): “What Jon Stewart says!”

Day 71: Oil leaking in the Gulf. Tropical Storms forming. Could possibly wash the oil further inland. Gov. Jindal (R-LA) begs the federal government to do something (wait, didn’t he say the stimulus was a waste?). BP (at 11:15 of the clip): “What Jon Stewart says!”

Notice the pattern?

There really is nothing more I can say than well… (at 11:15 of the clip): “What Jon Stewart says!”

Well, the plan now is to have a new containment cap in place by Monday or Tuesday. The two relief wells are planned to be in place by mid-August.

Well… unless a hurricane disrupts those operations.

There have been two storms (Hurricane Alex, TD 2) that have made landfall this season. Fortunately they formed in the western Gulf of Mexico and hit along the Texas-Mexico border. A storm following the path of Katrina would cause the whole operation to be suspended. If that happens, that means more oil would flow into the Gulf and could possibly wash further inland wherever the storm landed on the coast.

When BP speaks about their plans to stop the leak, has anyone else heard this familiar tune?

That’s the tune of: “We-don’t-know-what-the-hell-we-are-doing. We’re-running-around-like-chickens-with-our-heads-cut-off.”

Obviously that seems to be the plan to me. I mean, if your plan to clean up a Gulf of Mexico spill that includes protecting WALRUSES (last time I checked walruses did not live in the Gulf of Mexico), use a nuclear bomb to plug the leak (downright stupid), or not protecting the people cleaning up this mess, it shows to me that you were clearly not prepared for this.

Or worst, just abject ignorance to someone in your company who might have said, “Sir, here is a plan to clean up a worst case scenario Gulf of Mexico oil spill.”

Or, “Sir, here is plan to make sure our oil wells in the Gulf are safe to operate in order to prevent a worst case scenario spill.”

“Good, we’ll just file this under S.”

S for Shredder.

In closing I almost have stopped paying attention to this story. Not because I don’t care, it is just that I sadden by hearing the story how Louisiana was THIS close to fully recovering emotionally from Katrina. I cannot stand to see the shots of the wildlife harmed by the spill. I had to muster the courage to post that picture. Now, the way of life of the fishermen has been grossly disrupted. The Gulf Coast region can recover from hurricanes; those are expected. This… I don’t know. Nature is a resilient son-of-a-bitch, but human-made disasters of this magnitude (this was one, not an Act of God Governor Perry) are tough to recover from (Chernobyl).

There is really nothing more that I can say.

Oh…

From a megaphone:

BP (at 11:15 of the clip): “What Jon Stewart says!”